|
Zombie Attack Wonderland Redux Special Edition
Suddenly, i switched on the telly. It was on challenge TV, and subsequently i watched sixteen hours of The Crystal Maze. Offended by Richard Bryan's overt homosexuality, i began too compose a letter of complaint too the responsible production team of the said 20 year old game show. It read:
Dear Sir or Madam
I am writing too inform you that approximately twenty years ago you had a homophilliac amidst your ranks. If you would like me too deal with the problem i know this guy who used to be in the army. We could kick his head in all SAS style if you want. Sometimes i like to go out on a night with a brick attached too a piece of rope and maim the homeless, so i have lots of experience in this field. If you wish to employ me please send money and six episodes of Family Fortunes on a single betamax tape to me house. You can't miss it, one with the white door.
Signed: Jimmy Protagonist
Suddenly there was zombies in me house. "FUCK ME IN THE BOLLOCKS!" I said. After contemplating how one would go about such a bollock-fucking, i took action. Cleverly, i coated myself in paraffin, as too appear to be an unsatisfying morsel of meat too the undead horde. Suddenly, there was a power cut. Suddenly, i lit a match, striking against the face of my cat. "AH HA!" I said. "I knew that Sand Paper Fetish Mask For My Feline(C) would pay off!". Suddenly, i was on fire. "FUCK ME IN THE THIRD DEGREE BURNS!" I said. Me mate Jack Supportingcharacter suddenly came in me house. "FUCK MY TASTEFULLY DECORATED 3 BEDROOM SEMI DETACHED HOUSE" he shouted. Then, cause he was in the airforce, he called in an airstrike, and killed all them zombies. "PHEW" i said.
After a brief visit to the dentist, i was feeling alright. Suddenly, i was approached by the nearest mattadore. "WOULD YOU LIKE A WH SMITH(C) GIFT VOUCHER?" he said in a generic Iberian accent. "YES PLEASE ASLONG AS YOU FIGHT BULLS" i said. Sixteen and a half bull fights later, i was in WH SMITH(C). I bought sixty two and a half gel pens, all smelling of different things like chocolate and mortgage repayments etc. Suddenly, the nearest member of HAMAS said "I BET YOU CAN'T JAM THAT GREEK MYTHOLOGY FLAVOURED GEL PEN IN YOUR EAR CANAL!!!!". "FUCK YOU", i said in a descriptive manner. "I BET I CAN SHOVE A CHINESE MYTHOLOGY GEL PEN IN MY EAR CANAL, WHILE AS HIGHLY UNDER-RATED IN COMPARISON TO THAT OF GREEK MYTHOLOGY, IT IS JUST AS RICH IN CULTURE AND ARTISTIC VIBRANCY, IF NOT MORE SO!".
Suddenly i was in the hospital. There were zombies, but i killed em with a particularly challenging Sodoku(C) puzzle.
TO BE CONTINUED??????
|
Linear Mode
