We Died There.

Dasutin

I would die a happy man if Harrison Ford was to step on my face, then step on it again just to see what it was.

MowsysWrath

I'd like Harrison Ford to step on my chest and shoot me in the face. The whole "Vomiting in Bryce's face" thing doesn't sound too fun though.

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AzH

I'll play as Jack's raging bile duct.

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Cheshire

wat?

GothicDeathVR2

me thinks he means the throat. or barf.

TheGuillotine

It's from Fight Club.

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"I’m ready. It doesn’t matter with who or where. On foot or on horseback. With maces or poleaxes. To fight. To first blood or to death. It doesn’t matter, I’m ready to fight...

...I went hunting. For bears. With a knife. " - Aleksander Emelianenko

Cheshire

Which part?

TheGuillotine

"Jack's raging bile duct" is a line from Fight Club, along with...

I am Jack's complete lack of surprise.
I am Jack's smirking revenge.
I am Jack's wasted life.
I am Jack's inflamed sense of rejection.
I am Jack's broken heart.
I am Jack's cold sweat.

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"I’m ready. It doesn’t matter with who or where. On foot or on horseback. With maces or poleaxes. To fight. To first blood or to death. It doesn’t matter, I’m ready to fight...

...I went hunting. For bears. With a knife. " - Aleksander Emelianenko

Cheshire

Righto

DragonOrta

Awesome story Cheshire.

Cheshire

Why thank you

emiac38

OH
EM
GEE
GREATEST STORY EVAR
EPIC SUCCESS
go get your cake now and see what happens

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Well, I have been gone a very very very long time, I IZ ESPECTIN SUM WELLCOM HUGZ

MyNameDidntFit

Keep it on topic guys; these threads are for commenting on the stories.

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Cheshire

Thanks for all the comments everyone, but is there anything (Other than spelling/grammar) I can work on to improve my future works?

TheDark12

I thought it was good!

If you want constructive criticism though look up information dumping. You were guilty of it a bit in the first paragraph. But not so much it was distracting, so I forgive you.

Secondly, I'd suggest that you try to interweave the narrative and the dialogue a little bit better. Notice for the first half of the story it's all dialogue and the second half is all narrative? If you can find a way to balance that out your writing is nearly perfect IMO.

Congratulations, brilliant story.

Cheshire

Explain what you mean about the dialogue narrative thing. What I had in mind was a frame narrative.

razman360

Very well done. I was contemplating whether to write an L4D fanfic, not for the prize, but to be involved, and I suppose it's a damn good job I don't want to win!

As for what to work on other than the gramatical and spelling stuff the others have already lingered on, you could've perhaps made it a little longer, although, if you did, it'd probably be quite hard to find an ending point that wouldn't exceed the 3000 word guideline. The very begining was a little..I don't know how to explain it..I dont know if the rest of the story made it look crapier or it was something in particular, but everything else definately made up for it. Very well done, once again, on your brilliantly written story. Good luck!

Cheshire

Well thank you, I was thinking about revising it to include fixed typos and such, I'll definitely consider changing the begining abit.

razman360

I honestly don't know what it was. I didnt get it and it didnt make sense to me. I think u might just need to fill in a few of the blanks and stuff, like where they are and the situation at the time, but the rest of the story definately made my patience worth while *ass kissing over*

Cheshire

I was trying to pervay that Mary was interviewing jack, after the crisis had been dealt with. If you noticed, Jack makes a comment about her being out east or in a different country, that imply's that the outbreak was localized, I was hoping the reader could piece this together but maybe I was too vague.