My Fan-Fiction (Feedback solicited)

deltaboy37

Left 2 Survive.

Please give me your feedback on this please. let me have it, I am trying to become a better writer.

Left 2 Survive

6:00am – eerily dark and dank morning –
In what had to be the most uncomfortable night sleep in my 24 years of existence, I finally woke to an eerily quiet morning. I figured my lack of genuine rest was the cause for the rather drab feeling this morning, so I forced myself up and into the bathroom where I attempted to jump start my alert levels by rinsing water all across my face. As I began to come to a more conscious state, I realized that the hallway light was out; where I normally left it on, simply out of sheer habit every night before I crashed. I tend to get drunk on the regular and decided last night that I put in a ton of hard work for the week and deserved a good trip away from consciousness to brush off the residue of the week. Still feeling fairly groggy and dizzy, I attempted to flip the bathroom switch—no power.

I proceeded to investigate the problem and headed into my basement where the power box was. When I arrived downstairs, I recognized there were no blown fuses or flipped switches on the interface on the basement wall. I wasn’t much of a technician, but all I knew was that if all the switches were flipped up and not down everything was good to go. I proceeded back upstairs to take a look outside just in-case a power line was down which I highly dismissed as a possibility. Obviously something was out of place though as I heard sounds of panic and commotion. Walking toward my front door coming from the far end of the hall toward the living room window, I noticed four figures coming from outside my front window. Hazing and harassment weren’t normal neither were they common occurrences in my neck of the woods.

What was happening? All I could see were hands reaching and beating downward on another person, and I picked up the pace as I jogged closer. The closer I got the more weird the figures began to look. As I came only inches away from my window, fear quickly gripped me as the look of these humans were far different and unimaginable than anyone—or anything I have ever seen. Three of them had the appearance of the dead as their flesh was disfigured and mangled in ways only seen the most intense horror films. As I surveyed the scene playing before my eyes, I realized how the fourth figure or person was actually human—yet now lifeless.

A recently living corpse lay only feet outside of my window, now dismember and discombobulated as the three mangled moving corpses chewed and hacked feverishly at her flesh. As I closed and reopened my eyes to hopefully dismiss the sight as a figment of my imagination, I caught the lifeless eyes of the now confirmed zombie-like life forms who were now slowly returning to their feet as they concluded their relentless feast that all but left the lady on the ground similarly disfigured as they were. What felt like a cold chill ran down my spine, as I realized the only thing separating me and them was a simple glass window. Stumbling back rather hastily and haphazardly falling to the ground, thoughts poured through my mind as I jumped to my feet, hearing glass shattering behind me confirming my fear that they would jump right through the window.

As I scattered from room to room in search of my nine millimeter gun, Growls and panting followed. I realized these weren’t the slow type zombies I remember seeing in the movies. Hearing footsteps in succession with my own I could only assume they must have been alive or hyped up on something as they apparently still had some sort of life flowing through them. With fear overshadowing my entire being I reached as quickly as I could into the top drawer when I felt a very cold hand grab my shoulder roughly. As my reflexes took over, I flung myself back onto my bed as I simultaneously turned around to greet my most immediate pursuer with a well placed bullet in the chest. As if I had been trained in the army, I strategically placed a bullet in the head of the next zombie following him. When the last and most gruesome looking zombie came into the room with eyes that were grey with a red outline the likes of which I had never seen before; I pulled the trigger—only to here the anti-climactic sound of an empty clip.

Almost completely numb with fear, I could only watch in horror as the twisted and disfigured object of mangled flesh and stench lunged at me hastily, fully intent on literally ripping me to shreds with his bare mutilated hands, and gritty teeth. As he reached at me clawing and ripping parts of my flesh with his bare hands, I screamed and struggled to hold back his vehement effort to begin eating my flesh. As I struggled with everything left in my already weakened body due to fear and pain, I realized he was pretty fragile himself as my fingers began to slip between his cheek bones and chunks of rotting flesh. With less than a second of thought I twisted his head with all my might and disconnected his head from his neck. When I threw his head across the room in disgust, I had to shove his still moving body away as well.

As I tried to regain my thoughts, I realized I was in pretty bad shape. My arms and torso had been scratched and flesh was torn randomly throughout. In immense pain and filled with fear of a fresh set of pursuers, I used what was left of my energy and ran to the bathroom to treat some of my wounds the best I could. As I wrapped a few bandages on the areas bruised and mangled the worst, I stood to my feet and decided to see if there was any more ammo lying around anywhere. I checked the closet throwing boxes and clothing hastily in an attempt to find comfort in some sort of procurement of ammo or at least another weapon. When I found nothing, I gasped for air as the constant mood of fear swept over me again and again with renewed thoughts of anguish and despair. How many of them are there? Did any of them hear the skirmish that just transpired? Are there more on their way looking for me? These questions are all what ran through my mind. As I tried to suppress these emotions and despairing thoughts I heard glass crack and crumble.

In the distance I heard and awful growl—that which could not have possibly been human or beast of anything I have heard before. Picking up the nearest object—a shoe, I quickly scurried to my feet and began walking toward the door. With my heart attempting to beat faster than it was before I quivered at the idea of facing another monstrosity like the one I just further dismembered. As I walked into the hallway, I heard another growl—this time filled with much more gall and hatred—when I only now realized it was coming from behind me. As I stumbled backwards turning around as fast as I could, a female figured silluette hidden in the far shadows of the other end of the hallway began to move with an unprecedented quickness and energetic passion letting out a chaotic labored scream that shook me to my core. I was motionless, numb and reaction-less nearing complete incapacitation. With my eyes widening at the imminent threat of death and pain, the figure came into view and only then briefly did I recognize the gruesome figure to be the once screaming lady a foot away from my windowsill on my lawn. Somehow she woke back up, unlike her former self, now disfigured and as gruesome looking if not more menacingly disgusting than the humanoids that attacked her.

Blood, now still freshly dripping from almost every part of her now completely mangled, pale flesh; I cringed at what her plans were when she reached me as if she even had the capacity any longer to think intelligently. She moved with what seemed like only animalistic instinct. The moment I could see the very evil in her eyes, they looked dilated and intent on destruction as she drew only inches from me. The sound of a gunshot filled the room and the immediate pop of her skull, as flesh and bone shattered to each side of the hall, wall to wall in literally a million pieces. As I lay in a complete stupor, too exhausted to even turn around and look at my rescuer or rescuers, a figure appeared moving over me reaching out. When he looked at me I could tell he was still human. Then as two other figures similar to him came to his side, I realized I was going to be okay—at least for a while. That is exactly when I passed out. To be continued...

MyNameDidntFit

Before I even read it:

Formatting.

At the moment its a massive and uninviting wall of text. You need to break it up more, use indents at the start of paragraphs and use shorter paragraphs, 4 sentences is optimum

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deltaboy37

I apologize, I fixed it. please tell me what you think.

Leroy

It's an not and.

freebeez

True, other than that pretty good better than I could do

Sombito

Very good, I thought. It seems somewhat implausible that the apocalypse could get to the extent that it did overnight (this could be a misinterpretation -- I say this based on the fact that the character didn't mention anything being out of order, just going to bed, waking up and having the world in shambles), but it was still very good fiction.